Popping Bubbles

You know my very first blog post and this blog in general is about the bubbles that I have and will blow in my life, the memories that I will and have made and the experiences that I have experiences. Many of these bubbles have been happy as I continue my second semester at a Christian school 900+ kilometers away from home. But as will all things in life not everything is perfect.

Recently a bubble that I blew popped. Why? - maybe I had been squeezing it too hard or maybe just because it was time - however it happened I think I managed to get some of the soapy suds in my eye. So what am I going to do now? What do you do during the tough times in your life? Well I have several solutions. I can pretend that all is well and that I am not hurt and put on my 'I'm terrific, how are you?' and forget about myself and my problems like I have been prone to do in my past. I can bury myself in my school work and just withdraw from other things - after all it would be nice to bump up my 2 C's and 1 C+ to somewhere in the B or even A range this semester. Or maybe I can just accept the fact that I am hurting, deal with it and yes perhaps even lead a normal life. That last one sounds like the best but it also sounds like the hardest considering my habits over the past several years involved me hiding aways anything that would make me feel or give the impression that I am less then happy. But do you know what? It is okay to hurt - if is a fact of life, and sometimes its okay to be selfish and think about yourself once in a while.

I have pin pointed why I feeling so confused last last week and dealt with it and now that I have I think I will continue to journal. Not only is it a good excuse to go over to the coffee shop next door and order my favorite drink of White Hot Chocolate but it helps me to have a sense of peace and it a way that I really enjoy talking to God.

Anyways - back to homework and this tasty chocolate cake with marvolous icing and a cherry filling!

So what do you do when your 'bubbles' pop?

New Year

It is the begining of a new year, a new semester and lately I've been thinking.......actually I don't know what I have been thinking lately - lately my brain has been feeling like it is outta comission, that is isn't really working or that part of it has taken a holiday and left me behind.

Ever get that feeling?

On a side note I have started to journal again. I used to journal almost everyday and then stopped for a year and then started again - did that a couple times until I stopped a couple years ago. I have always found journaling a great way for me just to understand how exactly I am feeling and thinking, understand it better, and, if it is anything less then postitive, deal with it. I also find it a great way to talk and think about things that I wouldn't share with others. I'm not journaling everyday but just when I feel like it and I have found that it is very peacefull and helps me to clear my head and feel less stress.

So do you journal? Why or why not? How do you deal with emotions that you don't openly share with others?

WHY?

Time for another midnight posting. Yes I know it is not midnight right now but in Alberta (my second home) it almost is and I feel like it is midnight and once again my thoughts are going deep.

Why? Why do we think so much? Like I know that we have brains and thinking is good, but is is possible to think to much? IS there such a think as over-analyzing something and at what point is it healthy to think about something and at what point does it become over-analyzing?

Maybe I am just a tad prejudiced about thinking because it is not something that I do much - I mean not something that do it purposefully just for fun. I don't see the point in philosophizing about the finer points of life or debating about minor (or major) details. I don't know why we have to know everything about how the world works, how life exists and why. I understand that some of this is good and that perhaps most of it is good but have we gone to far in trying to figure out the structure of the universe?

Is ignorance bliss? and is okay to be ignorant? Is it weird to know that you are ignorant and like it? I know that I am ignorant of many things, and some of those things I am happy that I don't know a ton about.

Maybe I am thinking too deep again...maybe that's why I have a headache (or maybe it is just a cold that I am catching)....

So what do you think about philosophy? And am I making any sense (and do I ever make any sense?)?

Future

As the new year approaches and I reach another milestone in my still short life a lot of things are starting to come into question, especially as the matter of my future comes into light. Now personally I would be totally happy with getting married, settling down, raising a family and being a stay at home mom but I am too practical and know that it could be a while. It's not like I can go to a store and pick out a life plan and a husband and then commence the rest of my life...although the idea sounds kinda nice............

I've been thinking a lot about where I want to go, what I want to do, yet always trying to be aware of where God might be calling me and where His will for me lies but often it is so hard to hear his voice or to try to pick out which is His voice and which is just the world and which is just you and what you want.

And then of course there is family and friends who have there own ideas of what you should do or who are hoping that you'll go somewhere or become something or are at least close to them.

Sometimes - like to day I wonder 'What is the meaning of life?' I know ultimately it is to praise God but besides that life basically seems to be about trying to earn money so we can provide for ourselves and be comfortable before we die and of course to try to achieve true happiness though many different things (family, job, money, friends, 'religion' etc.) and sometimes we can, especially those of us who have a strong faith but is that all life is about? It just seems to be a big circle - yes I am going to say it - a circle of life, of people living and dying and striving to be better or to get something better and to find their purpose in life.


Sometimes thinking like this makes me want to cry...sometimes I feel frustrated...occasionally I have had the feeling of wanting to take something breakable and smash it or see if I squeezed it hard enough it would break in my hands I did that with a plastic communion cup once).....and sometimes I just start feeling like just another ant in an ant hill following a line and freaking out when the path is broken, yet I eventually find a way around it....I just need to find my way around this one.

So here I am on Boxing day, contemplating, thinking, waiting, wondering.....and hoping my head won't explode with all of it.

So what have you been pondering lately?

Waiting

For the past 2 1/2 hours I have been sitting in the Calgary airport. I was only to have waited for 1.5 hours but it just so happened that there was a delay in the flight. And unfortunately my brain is already half dead from finishing exams this week (first semester at University done!!) so I have not felt up to my usually contemplation of life, the world and all things good and evil so instead have wasted time on facebook, talking to friends here and there (well that is not really a waste of time) and sipping on a rootbeer float from A&W. Speaking of which you really need to try a A&W rootbeer milkshake - I love them and they are great for dipping fries into.

So here I am...sitting, waiting for my flight so that I can head home. I am a bit tired but still sooo excited to be heading home to my family and friends!

So what are you waiting for?

Catching My Breath....

I have decided to take a breather between exams right now. So far I have completed 3 out of 5 exams. I had one last Thursday, one yesterday, one this morning and I have one this afternoon too. Then I have a 2 1/2 day break until late Friday afternoon where I have my last one. I am a tad disappointed that I have to wait so long to do my last exam otherwise I would have been able to go home sooner. You may say that it gives me more time to study but how much can you study grammar? I understand that Effective Writing is good and maybe even necessary but I like to think I know how to use a comma by now....thanks to my mom making me do grammar books every single year for at least 5 years (thanks mom!). But then there is always something new that you can learn and I guess this gives me extra time to hang out with my friends before Christmas break...and maybe even pick up the Effective Writing book and actually do some studying.

So what do you need a breather from?

Ever Get the Feeling....?

Ever get the feeling that someone doesn't like you? And in a way you don't care but then in a way it still hurts a bit?
Ever get the feeling that no matter how many people are around you, you are still alone?
Ever get the feeling that you want to cry an ocean but the tears won't come or you don't want to show weakness to others?
Ever get the feeling that someone is watching you and when you turn around no one is there?
Ever get the feeling that no one is actually listening to you or what you have to say isn't as important as the next person?
Ever get the feeling that no matter how much you study you still won't do that hot on that test?
Ever get the feeling that you're feeling to much?

I am a strong feeler, on a recent personality test that I took I scored 95% feeler and 5% thinker which sounds just about right. And while I love and rely on my feelings a lot and they help me to be in-touch with most of those around me I sometimes get the feeling that I feel too much, that if I didn't feel so much I wouldn't get hurt or maybe be able to understand things or people better. Or maybe I've just been thinking too much.

So what have you been feeling lately?