Where Was I.....

Now my last blog post about what was happening in my life happened during midterms of last semester and in about 3 weeks I will be starting up midterms once again. Both a lot and little has changed since that point, if that makes any sense. And so this post will be about school.

So I did fairly moderate on all my midterms and continued to finish last semester with a "A", "B", "C+", "D+", "F" and a "W", which pretty much covered all the letter grades if you do not take into account + and -. A was for Choir which the only way to get a bad grade is not to show up. Surprisingly I passed my dreaded philosophy course with a D+ something I did not expect to pass. Now I was trying my hardest but I am anything but a philosopher as I am sure a few of my friends will agree, so passing this course was a huge surprise. The one course that I did fail, and can I say that it is the first University Course I have failed, was History to the 1500's. Parts of this class I found riveting while others almost had me falling asleep in my chair. Due to the large amounts of writing and unfortunately the hated having to memorize things I didn't fair to well on the final. Of course getting my second lit review all messed up may have attributed to it (Although I did a good job on it....). As for the W I chose to withdraw from the course to make it (a) easier on the rest of my work and (c) it was the final day to drop the course and I was NOT understanding anything (and I didn't miss a single class!).

So what do I have planned for this semester? A couple English classes, as well as a couple Choirs and a Discipleship and Mentoring course. While I love my school and the people in it I am not 100% happy with my program and the courses that they have to offer and so I have decided to take my ECE (early childhood education) certificate starting next year. I love little kids and since it will be a long time before I have any of my own why not take care of others? Unfortunately the College I was going to take the course at no longer offers the course so I either have to take it at a different campus somewhere else (Vancouver perhaps?) or take the 4 year course out here. So which will it be? I must say I'm tempted to take distant one because I can get the same piece of paper for half the amount of time it will take doing the course out here.

So how is school going for you?

Changes

Well it is only the second month of the new year and already so many of my plans and different aspects of my life has changed. Some of it has brought tears and frustration, some of it has brought smiles and laughter and some of it has brought both.

To summarize briefly, I broke up with the first boyfriend that I ever had and had been dating via long distance for 5 months, decided to stay out in Calgary for the summer (if I can find a job and actually start to earn some money) as well as maybe work at a camp out here, decided to make a program change (but to what I am not sure yet) and I started to date a guy out here. And everything that has been changing in my life I have felt that it has been a total God thing.

My former relationship was with a great guy with a great heart and love for the Lord and others but it was not where I was supposed to be and I was not able to handle the distance with so short of time that we had been dating and the personality that I have.

If God opens up a job out here for me it will just be further proof that this is where I should be as I already might have several friends who would be willing to rent a house with me this summer and the next school year, or I can just stay in res for cheap! I can also get paid to work up at a camp near here and the neat thing is that the camp is situated on a lake that I used to go to with my family when I was a kid.

I really feel called to stay at this school but I want to get started on a career so am going to change programs and have started a series of meetings with the career counselor here.

And my newest relationship, well I knew Jesse a bit last semester as we were in a group together for a school Halloween party and went to church together but this semester we really started to hang out together and he was really supportive and always there to listen and talk to, as well as give good Godly advice as I thought about school and my life and before you knew it we started dating and I feel that this is a good thing for me.

My life is still changing and most likely will continue to change and will always be changing. I just need to remember to incorporate God into these changes and hopefully they will be for the better and not for the worst. I need to make sure that I am opening my life up to the changes that God has in store for me and be willing to surrender everything that I have into his hands.

So what changes have you been experiencing in 2010?

WHY?

Time for another midnight posting. Yes I know it is not midnight right now but in Alberta (my second home) it almost is and I feel like it is midnight and once again my thoughts are going deep.

Why? Why do we think so much? Like I know that we have brains and thinking is good, but is is possible to think to much? IS there such a think as over-analyzing something and at what point is it healthy to think about something and at what point does it become over-analyzing?

Maybe I am just a tad prejudiced about thinking because it is not something that I do much - I mean not something that do it purposefully just for fun. I don't see the point in philosophizing about the finer points of life or debating about minor (or major) details. I don't know why we have to know everything about how the world works, how life exists and why. I understand that some of this is good and that perhaps most of it is good but have we gone to far in trying to figure out the structure of the universe?

Is ignorance bliss? and is okay to be ignorant? Is it weird to know that you are ignorant and like it? I know that I am ignorant of many things, and some of those things I am happy that I don't know a ton about.

Maybe I am thinking too deep again...maybe that's why I have a headache (or maybe it is just a cold that I am catching)....

So what do you think about philosophy? And am I making any sense (and do I ever make any sense?)?

Future

As the new year approaches and I reach another milestone in my still short life a lot of things are starting to come into question, especially as the matter of my future comes into light. Now personally I would be totally happy with getting married, settling down, raising a family and being a stay at home mom but I am too practical and know that it could be a while. It's not like I can go to a store and pick out a life plan and a husband and then commence the rest of my life...although the idea sounds kinda nice............

I've been thinking a lot about where I want to go, what I want to do, yet always trying to be aware of where God might be calling me and where His will for me lies but often it is so hard to hear his voice or to try to pick out which is His voice and which is just the world and which is just you and what you want.

And then of course there is family and friends who have there own ideas of what you should do or who are hoping that you'll go somewhere or become something or are at least close to them.

Sometimes - like to day I wonder 'What is the meaning of life?' I know ultimately it is to praise God but besides that life basically seems to be about trying to earn money so we can provide for ourselves and be comfortable before we die and of course to try to achieve true happiness though many different things (family, job, money, friends, 'religion' etc.) and sometimes we can, especially those of us who have a strong faith but is that all life is about? It just seems to be a big circle - yes I am going to say it - a circle of life, of people living and dying and striving to be better or to get something better and to find their purpose in life.


Sometimes thinking like this makes me want to cry...sometimes I feel frustrated...occasionally I have had the feeling of wanting to take something breakable and smash it or see if I squeezed it hard enough it would break in my hands I did that with a plastic communion cup once).....and sometimes I just start feeling like just another ant in an ant hill following a line and freaking out when the path is broken, yet I eventually find a way around it....I just need to find my way around this one.

So here I am on Boxing day, contemplating, thinking, waiting, wondering.....and hoping my head won't explode with all of it.

So what have you been pondering lately?