Summer Plans

Well I had several plans for my summer. My plan A was to apply for jobs around spring break and hopefully have a part-time job that could become a full-time job during the summer, or maybe take a second part-time job if that didn't work out. I would live with several awesome girls from res and live right across from Walmart (yah!). Then I found out that I had to have my wisdom teeth out sometime in the early summer, my parents didn't want me to get a job during the school year (I needed to focus more on my studies, and they definitely right in this area) and they wanted me to come home for the summer.

Okay, so that plan didn't turn out. So I cam home and waited a couple weeks for my appointment with the dentist, I applied for about 20 jobs. Because it suddenly appeared as an option and my parents felt a bit better about it, I applied for a couple jobs on the Island where we used to live. One was at Butchart Gardens where one of my good friends worked, we thought that I might be able to live with her, but her family was downsizing their house and their grandparents were moving in so that was out of the question.

Next option: About 4 years ago my mom, sister and I all got jobs at this gorgeous organic blueberry farm. My mom suggest that I try to apply there again. Some reason feeling that this is what I needed to do I promptly googled the farm and emailed them. I got a quick response saying that they did have job openings. I then sent several questions about the job, pay and perhaps a place to stay and then.....heard nothing. Plan C was dead.

Plan D? My boyfriend was working in Edmonton at a job that was a little rough but it paid really well and they were looking for more workers and since his dad was connected with the company chances of me getting a job would be high. Now being a young girl in a city my parents thought it would be wise to either go with my sister or a friend. My friend just so happened was able to get a job volunteering with some vets and since it was something that would help her work towards her career I was happy for her and it was okay that she decided to not go. My sister pretty much was already accepted to be a paid worker at a summer camp, which she would enjoy much more then being stuck in Edmonton working. So part 3 of plan D? Find a place for me to stay on my own....only not on my own really because it just isn't that sensible for a young girl/women to be so close to her boyfriend of only a couple short months....not to mention having my own place...but then I don't want to live too far away from him in case someone follows me home or I have creepy landlords :P.....compromise? none to be found, at least not smart or reasonable ones!

Here I thought that my summer was not going to work out and then guess what! Plan C suddenly popped into the picture again! I was able to secure the job, and a place to stay with my old neighbors for really cheap! It was all looking super good until a couple hours ago. The job won't start for 2 months. And since it is only about a 7 week job (that still pays well) it throws a money wrench into the only part of the summer that I had really planned out and was hoping to fulfill. I was going to work until mid-August, go to E-town for a couple days (West Ed Mall here I come!), volunteer at a camp for a week with my boyfriend and leave for Calgary a week and a half early to get settled into the big city groove and hang with friends. So if I was to continue on with the plan I would only get about 4 weeks of work in and that isn't nearly enough to make it worth while.

Am I disappointed? Yes. Frustrated? Definitely was on Saturday. Now? Right now I am just wondering if God had been doing this all to me to try to teach me a lesson.....one that I had thought I learned a while back but I obviously haven't since I just realized it. I need to remember that yes, I can make plans but in the end I have to be willing to let those plans be led by God. Maybe if I had asked for God's advice and guidance before I wouldn't be so frustrated with how my summer has been going so far and maybe things would be making a lot more sense.

I know that my plans are not always God's plans and sometimes I hate that but my plans have been failing pretty much since plan A. Some may say that its because my parents have said this, that, and the other thing and because I am now a legal adult in both BC and Alberta I can make my own choices. But I greatly value my parents opinions, and as much as I sometimes don't like to admit it, they make great points and are often right, not to mention I wholeheartedly believe in honouring my parents and that God often speaks to us through other people in our lives. So personally that's not the issue here.

So God, if your reading this...I have learned my lesson. I am gonna stop trying to be a control freak with my summer, here I am now, taking a deep breathe and shakily opening my heart, mind and soul for your guidance.

Future

As the new year approaches and I reach another milestone in my still short life a lot of things are starting to come into question, especially as the matter of my future comes into light. Now personally I would be totally happy with getting married, settling down, raising a family and being a stay at home mom but I am too practical and know that it could be a while. It's not like I can go to a store and pick out a life plan and a husband and then commence the rest of my life...although the idea sounds kinda nice............

I've been thinking a lot about where I want to go, what I want to do, yet always trying to be aware of where God might be calling me and where His will for me lies but often it is so hard to hear his voice or to try to pick out which is His voice and which is just the world and which is just you and what you want.

And then of course there is family and friends who have there own ideas of what you should do or who are hoping that you'll go somewhere or become something or are at least close to them.

Sometimes - like to day I wonder 'What is the meaning of life?' I know ultimately it is to praise God but besides that life basically seems to be about trying to earn money so we can provide for ourselves and be comfortable before we die and of course to try to achieve true happiness though many different things (family, job, money, friends, 'religion' etc.) and sometimes we can, especially those of us who have a strong faith but is that all life is about? It just seems to be a big circle - yes I am going to say it - a circle of life, of people living and dying and striving to be better or to get something better and to find their purpose in life.


Sometimes thinking like this makes me want to cry...sometimes I feel frustrated...occasionally I have had the feeling of wanting to take something breakable and smash it or see if I squeezed it hard enough it would break in my hands I did that with a plastic communion cup once).....and sometimes I just start feeling like just another ant in an ant hill following a line and freaking out when the path is broken, yet I eventually find a way around it....I just need to find my way around this one.

So here I am on Boxing day, contemplating, thinking, waiting, wondering.....and hoping my head won't explode with all of it.

So what have you been pondering lately?

Are You Listening?

So today being Remembrance Day I, along with several friends, headed out to a Remembrance day service after which we discussed life as well as minor details of it. Following we meet up with 2 more students/friends which was soon followed by an afternoon and evening of shopping during which I was able to find some Albertian clothes (BC clothes do not cut it out here as it slowly starts to get colder =P) for cheap prices!

Tonight being floor meeting we did our normal traditions, announcements, socializing followed by one of the girls on the floor giving us a bit of a talk sharing a bit about her life and a bit of her conversations with God as read from her journal. Strangely, or not so strangely, a lot of what she said resonated with me. Nearing the end we were given a small project in which we were asked to grab a sheet of paper and pencils or coloured pencils and our Bibles and have our own conversation with God and write it down, or doodle/draw.

Before she was finished I had already started my conversation that went like this:
Me: God, where are you?
God: I am with you
Me: But why can't I hear you then?
God: Are you listening?
Me: I try Lord, but how do I know what is you and what is my friends, family or even me?
God: My plan is perfect, it will bring you happiness, hope and a future
This reminded me of the verse from Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord 'plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future'" and then I heard the words that have been a constant reminder to me "TRUST ME" followed by "I AM who I say I AM and I will do what I say I will do."

So to whom or what have you been listening to lately? And what are they saying?

Ashley