Where I've been

February is nearing its end and I thought I would take this time to tell you all what has been happening in my life so far, the bubbles that I have blown....or popped lately!

Last semester in school I had an old friend as my roommate and we got along beautifully. We spent many a night watching Gilmore Girls, which we sadly finished (7 seasons!) last night. Now that it is over I don't know what we are gunna do..... :P

I went home for Christmas....and spent over half of it de-stressing from school and the rest stressing about where I was headed in life and school.

Yet this semester I thought that I would move out so I am now going to school still but living in a 2 bedroom apartment where I have a bedroom and bathroom to myself and am sharing the place with 2 other great girls.

I was super surprised to find out that I passed my Philosophy course last semester, granted it was a D+ but it was a pass. If you know me I am not a philosopher. I will talk about a philosophical topic for 5 minutes before I become bored...much to the chagrin one of my friends (M.P. :P).

I failed my first University course, History. I tried to like history and I did LOVE the stuff about ancient Greece but the other stuff, there was so much to memorize! But I won't make excuses, I could have studied more, although in University you can always study more!

As of the 3rd of this month I am now 20. I am no longer a teenager and I feel like I should grow up or something.....naaaah!

As of the 4th of this same month I have been dating my boyfriend for one year! And it has been an awesome year, and I am not just saying that! Although we both often lack the funds to go on many dates he always does something sweet like making me breakfast before an exam or because its a special day. Or watching a chick flick with me even though he wants to. Although I will say that time we watched Twilight it was not totally my fault and he insisted on finishing it even after I told him we could stop 5 minutes into it!

I got a new job. Although I have yet to start there since it hasn't opened yet. I will be a prep-cook at a health cafe/restaurant which is 5minutes from my house! And I start at $11 which is nice considering I am definitely fitting into the 'poor college student' section....although thankfully not to the point where kraft dinner or noodle bowls are my main menu options!

Lets see what else did I do? Not much!

So what have you been up to?

The day after V-day

Well yesterday was Valentines, Singles awareness day (S.A.D.), the day that is loved or dreaded by many and do you know what I find annoying? The people who gripe about how they hate Valentines day.

Okay, so maybe I don't have much to complain about considering my boyfriend wrote 100 facebook status each containing a different reason why he loved me. Although I will say that I was sick for the entire day...and by sick I mean laying in bed and wanting to whimper type sick not 'sick' as in I want to take the day of to hang with my boyfriend who just so happened to have had to work for most the day.

But honestly. If people hate the day so much why don't they just forget about it? Its like someone who hates carrots but continues to eat them, just stop eating the stupid carrots.

Maybe I just don't fully understand how these people feel....maybe I am still fairly uncallused to the ways of the world but up until a year ago my Valentines days were celebrated 'alone' and what did I do? I spent it with my family or took advantage of the season to by discount candy and chocolates or just treated it like any other day of the year.

As for couples, do we really need a day to celebrate love? Shouldn't we be loving each other everyday and not just one day of the year? True, I love the rose that my boy gave to me, but isn't it so much nicer to get a give on a random day for no reason at all instead of expecting something on that one day and then being disappointed if nothing comes?

And does anyone even remember what Valentines day stands for anymore? I doubt anyone really remembers the Saint after whom the day is named after or what he did to get a day named after him.

In other news. Did you know you can pay around $110 for a dozen roses on valentines day when I know you can pay around $20 on a regular day at the grocery store? Did you know that it was Henry VIII that proclaimed Valentines day in England....he was the guy who killed and divorced his wives. Did you know that in Medieval times it was thought that if you were singled, the first (unmarried) person that you saw on Valentines day was to be your future spouse? Did you know around 3% of pet owners prefer to give Valentine gifts to their pets? Did you know that as far as we know 15% of women send themselves flowers on Valentines day?

Anywho what did you do yesterday? I laid in bed and ate pickles.

Where Was I.....

Now my last blog post about what was happening in my life happened during midterms of last semester and in about 3 weeks I will be starting up midterms once again. Both a lot and little has changed since that point, if that makes any sense. And so this post will be about school.

So I did fairly moderate on all my midterms and continued to finish last semester with a "A", "B", "C+", "D+", "F" and a "W", which pretty much covered all the letter grades if you do not take into account + and -. A was for Choir which the only way to get a bad grade is not to show up. Surprisingly I passed my dreaded philosophy course with a D+ something I did not expect to pass. Now I was trying my hardest but I am anything but a philosopher as I am sure a few of my friends will agree, so passing this course was a huge surprise. The one course that I did fail, and can I say that it is the first University Course I have failed, was History to the 1500's. Parts of this class I found riveting while others almost had me falling asleep in my chair. Due to the large amounts of writing and unfortunately the hated having to memorize things I didn't fair to well on the final. Of course getting my second lit review all messed up may have attributed to it (Although I did a good job on it....). As for the W I chose to withdraw from the course to make it (a) easier on the rest of my work and (c) it was the final day to drop the course and I was NOT understanding anything (and I didn't miss a single class!).

So what do I have planned for this semester? A couple English classes, as well as a couple Choirs and a Discipleship and Mentoring course. While I love my school and the people in it I am not 100% happy with my program and the courses that they have to offer and so I have decided to take my ECE (early childhood education) certificate starting next year. I love little kids and since it will be a long time before I have any of my own why not take care of others? Unfortunately the College I was going to take the course at no longer offers the course so I either have to take it at a different campus somewhere else (Vancouver perhaps?) or take the 4 year course out here. So which will it be? I must say I'm tempted to take distant one because I can get the same piece of paper for half the amount of time it will take doing the course out here.

So how is school going for you?

Dear Diary....

Now I only have 10 official followers and since I haven't been keeping up to date on this here blog I don't even know how many of them actually read this regularly. But the more I think about it at the rate I'm going at this blog almost seems like a journal or diary.

Remember when you were a kid, mostly likely the girls will associate with this one better then the others, and you had a diary? I remember my first diary. I got it from my aunt (along with this gorgeous strawberry bubble bath) and it was hot pink and fuzzy. I only wrote in it an average once a year and I think I may still have the pages around here somewhere....as my roommate from last year can tell you, I like to hoard things.

As I got older I started a prayer journal that I kept up steady for at least a year. At first it was just me writing down the Lord's Prayer and the 'Now I lay me down to sleep' poem, but as weeks progressed I started to add my own personal thoughts. Eventually it was a journal that I used to talk about the good times and the bad times, but mostly the bad times. Things that were frustrating or stressing me out, who I was hopelessly in love with (and by that I mean that it was hopeless), who made me angry, cry or laugh. After I filled up a book I would through it out. It was my way of committing everything that I wrote to God. Sure it may have been cool to look back on it someday and reread everything but if I recall correctly it mostly consisted of me when I was upset. Over time I have learned to bring both the good and the bad the God and perhaps journaling would be a good thing to start up again.

Well now you know a bit more about the inner me, something that not many people know but also something I hope to slowly change.

Hopefully I can catch you up to where I am in my life currently and keep you interested at the same time. So did you every have a diary or journal? What did you use it for?

Procrastination

So it is 2:26am as I sit here writing this blog post for you all. Just another way of me procrastinating. So far I have completed two exams last week, one which I am very disappointed in and the other was okay. Then today, or technically yesterday I completed two more exams, one at 4:00pm and one at 6:30pm. And guess what! I have another exam at 9:45am! So what am I still doing up? I am studying...or pretending to at least.

After my last exam of the day I took a break and chilled, meaning eating a toasted bagel with cream cheese and strawberry jam and cuddling with my boyfriend. And then I pretended to study while surfing the net until floor meeting. After floor meeting there was 15 more minutes of cuddle time before curfew where I did some more internet stuff, saved all the documents I wanted to read for my history exam tomorrow. I then set about trying on my Halloween costume, after roping my roommate into doing the same, I finished up an energy drink as I tidied up a bit and then once again attempting to study I showed my wonderful roommate, Kathryn a bunch of videos from my first year at University. And so I have wound up here.....but honestly....how am I supposed to study?! I have already studied so much my head may explode....actually I think it may already have and now it is like a deflated balloon.....I can't fill it again. Yay for History that requires a lot of memorization. Oh well, I'm not tired so I will still get a good amount of studying in (too bad I'm a bit sick....thanks roommate...I had given it to you for a reason!). Actually I doubt I will sleep tonight, I may have to drink some Orange Pekoe tea (my favorite) or maybe another energy drink (my second full one in my life! within 5hours!) but at least my head will contain some knowledge that will be gone by 11am tomorrow!

So how are your exams going? How do you study?

Stable Unstability

Due to the lack of internet connection and time I have not been able to keep up-to-date on my lovely blog here even though I have had many that I would have loved to write. But finally I am in the midst of unpacking my room in residence, preparing for my second year of University and finally adding some stability to my life.

Over this summer I have done a fair amount of traveling, spent multiple nights in several different places, even settle down in several places for a while...only to have to get up, move and have to settle down again. And over the course of this summer I have finally discovered that I actually NEED some source of stability in order to survive.

I made many good memories and had a lot of fun throughout the summer but for some reason....as I lay on my bed writing this post....all I can really think about was how stressful and tiring this summer was.

Now time to start school...and for some reason I feel that it might be more relaxing then the summer even though I am taking 5 courses, 1 lab and choir each semester.

When I Was a Kid...

Pluto was actually a planet

Oreo's only had one flavour (what's with the vanilla?)

All meals were bought and made by mom

Popcorn came only two ways, salted or plain, no fancy flavourings

My hardest decision was which friend was going to come over for a sleepover

$20 as a birthday or Christmas present made me the richest person in the world

We played cassette tapes and had tape recorders, none of these cds, mp3 players or ipods

There was no such thing as blue-ray or dvd’s, just video tapes

We played hopscotch, hula-hoop, jump-rope and actually played baseball instead of using a Wii, playstation, gamecube etc.

We used film in our cameras instead of digital...one chance was all you got and then you’d have to hope you got a good shot

No one worried weather Ernie and Bert were gay...they were brothers or close friends on a permanent sleepover

When I was a kid the world was simple and innocent, much like my life.....so can you remember some of what life was like when you were a kid? How has it changed?

Ways to Amuse Yourself While Working at a Blueberry Stand

#1 Count cars........one car...........(three hours later) two cars

#2 Read a book (yes I am getting paid $10 an hour to handle money, blueberries but mostly to read)

#3 Count people.....but silently....they don’t always like being counted

#4 Lure Yoda to the fruit stand and pick the burs off him

#5 Play “I Spy” with yourself...I’m never gunna guess what I’m looking at!

#6 Make up excuses to have to go and drive the Gator (the golf cart type vehicle)

#7 Write a blog post on how to amuse yourself while working at a blueberry stand

Yep.....Thats what I've been doing for most of the summer! And did your summer go? Or how is it still going?

Ways to Amuse Yourself While Working On a Blueberry Packing Line

#1 Count the Berries......hmmm....there MAY be too many to that up for long...

#2 Count how many stems and bad berries the person beside you missed! Haha...ha...oh...its not that funny when they do it to you too....

#3 Make shapes and designs out of the blueberries...preferable if the next person in line is your friend

#4 Make hearts and x’s and o’s for the next person in line....generally only good if it’s your boyfriend or girlfriend...otherwise refer to #3 otherwise it could be awkward.....

#5 Find a bunch of berries with stems and put them in a row for your friend down the line and watch as the rush to try to get them all! (I’m so nice ;P)

#6 Sing or hum Phantom of the Opera quietly...who cares if you forget part or awful at it,no one can really hear you over the hum of all the machines anyways

#7 Replay cartoons, movies or TV shows in your head....just remember to stay focused as well

And thats what I have been doing for part of the summer, what about you?

Quickie

Okay so this blog post will have to be a quickie as I quickly finish up all my online business in the Starbucks of Safeway. I really should write my blogs beforehand so that when I get a chance like this I can actually post them all online.

I have now been on Vancouver Island for one week to the day and have had a cold/flu a week from tomorrow. Yet I haven't let me get that down! I have walked down to the beach on four days and have the sun burns to prove it, but the sun tan as well! I am going to have such a dark tan by the end of this summer.... :D I have also walked to church...a very long walk but that is a story for another time.

Of course what I am really looking forward to is Monday and Tuesday. On Monday my boyfriend is finally going to becoming to BC and I am going to see him and be spending the rest of the summer (and someday the rest of my life? :P) with him. I also will be heading to my future roommates place for a birthday party as well as spending the next day watching cartoons with my boyfriend and just hanging out and catching up.

So many things have happened this summer that have gone astray from how I wanted them to got. but in the end everything has worked out! Yay!!

So how is your summer going?

Quirky

I am quirky...or at least thats what I like to call my self. I am not weird or crazy, I'm just quirky. Random little things make me ridiculously happy, like blowing bubbles, biking through puddles and guess what? Scrubbing floors. I love to scrub, not mop, scrub, floors. I don't know what is so thrilling and exciting about getting down on my knees with a rag and a bucket of warm soapy water but I just love it.

Another quirk, there are certain times of night where I can't control my tongue. For example my boyfriend Jesse often phones me early in the morning as he walks to work and usually I am able to form coherent sentences and have an actual conversation....but sometimes I am not. Take last night for instance. I wasn't able to sleep so I watched Mamma Mia (which I loved by the way!) for the second time in the past couple days, on my laptop, talked to Jesse for the first time and then went to bed.....the second and third times he called I was so tired that I lost control of my tongue and started talking about random things from the movie that I had watched, the second time realizing part way through what was going on and spent about 3 minutes trying to shut myself up before I embarrassed myself further.

I also have this bad habit of not being able to remember sayings and metaphors once telling my sister that she was "off her cracker" instead of off her rocker and that she'd be the life of me instead of the death of me.

I have many other little quirks that just add to who I am. Yes, perhaps I am a crazy but you know what, I am unique and I'd like to see you try to make a copy of me...actually no I wouldn't, that might be a bit scary......

So what are some quirks that you have? What makes you unique?

Friends

Well its time for another midnight post! Either that or I am just not able to sleep and need something to do.....

Every once in a while one of my friends will do something totally unexpected that makes me stop and think "You know, I have really good friends." I don't know whether it is that I pick really awesome friends or they pick me (because I am just that awesome....or my quirkiness doesn't scare them off) but I must say that my friends are awesome and I will be proud to brag about them.

My friends care for me, yes they tease me and sometimes for the most outlandish reasons but they are almost always able to make me laugh. Yet while I am able to have fun, my friends (my close friends at least) are willing to talk to me and give me advice and constructive criticism. They have a strong faith and they all have beautiful hearts (and they don't look half bad themselves ;) ) and I thank God for bringing them into my life.

So to my friends; if I have not thanked you and told you that you are awesome and you mean so much to me, You are awesome and you mean so much to me!

So have you thanked your friends lately?

Annoyance

Do you know one thing that really annoys me? When people talk about me when I'm not around, or more specifically when people talk negatively or criticize me when I am not around (I don't mind if you are saying nice things about me ;P). I am guessing most people feel this way, or just don't care, but this is one of the few things that really annoy me.

I guess my biggest problem with it is that I used to hate it when people criticized me or gave me advice because I felt that they were judging me and that basically I just wasn't good enough for them. Now I want to hear that advice because I know that often, while there might not always be total truth to what is being said often there is at least a hint of it and this advice will help me to grow. So how am I supposed to grow if you talk to everyone but me about the mistakes I've made or how I need to change? How is THAT of all things supposed to help me? And if it just so happens that what you are thinking and saying is more fiction then fact, what do you think you are doing to others opinion of me?

Last semester I had several of my friends who were a tad worried and upset about a relationship that I started rather hastily, and all things considered they were a right, but from my view then and now, it was the right place for me to be and still is. What was sad was that only a small amount of them actually approached me with their concerns and I am so happy they did and feel so loved by them. I now understand why most of them didn't talk to me about it (for reason like they didn't want to show disapproval or hurt my feeling etc) but back then I didn't understand especially when I heard through the grapevine that so-and-so said this or that. So I did the stupid thing, instead of talking to my friends about it I ran off and focused my attention elsewhere aka my new boyfriend (which only went to prove some points that they had made). Near the end of the semester I finally realized that oh....maybe I should go to my friends and talk to them about this and let them know that I want to hear what they have to say. So before school started I went to a couple of my closest friends and talked to them about my thoughts and feelings on the topic and they did they same. It was very freeing and I am sad that I didn't get a chance to talk or explain it to everyone.

So the lesson that I learned is that sometimes I need to ask for help or advice instead of expecting it to be given.....a lesson that I finally was starting to learn during my Grade 12 (Math made so much sense when you actually asked the teacher for help)

So what annoys you? What lessons have you learned lately?

Family

My oldest sister Tara has been visiting us over the past couple weeks and it has been wonderful! I have really missed her since I haven't seen her in over a year. Having a sisters that range from the 17-39 and a family that moves a lot we tend to leave a sister behind once in a while and while they usually come home for Christmas at least it has been hard for them to come out the past couple years as they both have pets and Tara spends and cooks Christmas dinner for her boyfriend and his grandmother.

Finally seeing my oldest sister makes me wish that I had spent more time with her when I could have and gotten closer to all my sisters. So I have decided that while I am in Calgary I am going to do what I can to occasionally make a trip out to visit her as well as make more of an effort to get closer to the rest of my sisters. Family is important to me, but it seems lately they have been taking second, third, or even fourth place in my life. I don't want to wake up one morning and find that I no longer have that family or have grown so far apart from them that it's like they are gone.

So how is your relationship with your family thriving?

Taking off the Mask

This is something that I have been thinking a lot about lately. And I am going to try to put my thoughts into words, I don't know how intelligible it will be and perhaps I will just end up running around in circles and if it just sounds like a bunch of gibberish I apologize, I would definitely not place myself among the intellectual of my friends (sometimes falling back to the "ignorance is bliss" saying when I don't want to have a deep theological talk with my friends) yet I don't think I'm shallow (at least I hope I don't come across that way ;P), I often just have trouble saying what I think and why I think it.

I am starting to see that life is just one huge masquerade. We get up ever morning and choose a mask to wear. Depending on the people we see we may change that mask, putting on one that will disguise us even more or one that is more revealing about who we truly are. Very rarely do we find a person who doesn't wear a mask at all.

In this day and age we seem to be almost encouraged not to be ourselves, we are bombarded from all sorts of different media telling us how we should look, dress and act and foolishly we believe it. We chase after someone else's version of who we should be and in the process we lose who we truly are.

Even in the Christian world we often cannot be who we truly are. As Christian we 'have' to be perfect people, we cannot let other people see the flaws that we have in case we give Christianity a bad name. But then in our intolerance for imperfection and our goals of being that ideal Christian we drive people away from the church. We are not a perfect people and our goal doesn't have to be an unattainable one.

The process of taking off our masks can be a painful one. I am sad to say that I have only ever taken off my mask completely to one person ever and it hurt something awful. It took weeks of striping away at my mask, slowly revealing who I truly was. And once I was done it was almost if I was standing there naked with my heart open saying 'here is my heart, accept at it or take a stab at it'. If this person had decided to reject who I was I would have to say that my life would be alot different that it is now, I would have rushed to replace my mask and added even more layers. But instead this person gathered me, and my heart, into their arms and loved me for who I was.

Yet I still have trouble, trouble revealing my heart, soul and mind to others. Yes my mask has thinned when I am around my close friends yet it is still there. There will always be parts of who I am that I will probably never share with others unless the situation presents its and even then there is the danger if they are not understanding that my mask will go on thicker then ever.

In conclusion, at least as best of one I can make, we all struggle with acceptance, how could someone ever like or love someone like me? So we become someone we are not just for the benefit of others. And in the process we lose ourselves.

My cry? You are a wonderful person, no matter what you have done. You have been made by God and you are loved by him no matter what you have done. If you are living a life that is pleasing to the Lord, one that is absent sin (that does not mean that you have to be perfect for we all have sin, but you have to be willing to see where you have gone wrong and change), then if someone cannot accept who you are and the mistakes you have made as a HUMAN BEING, then personally they are not true friends. I know who my true friends because they are willing to accept me for who I am. But how can they do that if they do not know who I am? For example, I tease other people and love being teased, but often I do not show people how sensitive I actually am. People will start to tease me and all of a sudden they say something that hurts me and instead of saying something I laugh and just add another layer on to hide my hurt. But I have come to realize that I must not lose WHO I am, the beautiful person that God made me, just to make other people like you.

Do not lose the beautiful person who you are just for the benefit of others, because, no matter what people say, YOU, my dear friend, are beautiful and if other people can't see that well that is their loss.

People might think that the saying "be yourself" is over-rated but personally it is under-rated for how many people follow that advice?

Stereotyped

My sister made a remark earlier in the week, mostly out of humour but it is so true. Both her and I are members of three stereotyped people. We are first of all adopted, second of all pastors kids and third of all we are homeschoolers. Combine that in to one person (or actually two since its both of us) and you have a person that everyone thinks they can understand and explain. So just because I was adopted into a pastors' family and homeschooled my whole life means that you can understand me? Ha! Fat chance! So this blog will be devoted to me clearing up the stereotypes I have been placed in and maybe you'll get to know a little bit more about who I am as a person and not just someone who fits into a category.

Of course going to University this year the pastors' kids stereotype wasn't that bad because a good number of the kids were either a pk or mk. But I have had other instances when people have found out that I am a pk and instantly put me into this group. I am a pastors kid so I have to be perfect, I have to act a certain way and the way that I act is because I am a pastors kid and not because it is actually who I am. Oh and I am going to rebel. Just because I am a pk, I am going to end up rebelling and doing something stupid because all pk's do it eventually right? Because we are so confined we are going to runaway from all that and become someone totally different, right? Wrong. Perhaps that is true about some, maybe many pk's but you know what? I act they way that I act because that who I am. Yes, alot of how I act is influenced by my parents and the church, after all I have people watching me to see if I screw up, as well as people who are watching me and wanting to be like me (like the kids in the preschool class that I worked in). So yes the church is influential in my life but it is not who I am.

Another BIG stereotype is being a schooled at home. One of my favorite videos about homeschooling is found here: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000161649158&v=box_3#!/video/video.php?v=126113226496&ref=share it's on facebook so I apologize to those of you who don't have facebook. I once had someone come down on me, actually my parents, because I was homeschooled. I was a bit shocked and so didn't have time to explain, plus we were in a group of people so a big arguement about me and my family wouldn't be the funnest way to spend the evening. But one reason that I was homeschooled is that in my childhood I had both ADD and ADHD which meant that it was really hard for me to go to school. For a period in grade 1 I actually did attend a Christian school but it was not a good experience for me and so my parents pulled me out. Yes being a pastors kid and homeschooled means that I am more sheltered then most, but you know what? I'm okay with that and I am so blessed that my mom put so much work into me. Unlike some kids, my mom refused to put me on medication to help with my ADD or ADHD problems and instead pretty much trained them out of me, helped me find ways to focus and concentrate. Also I am happy that I was protected from the world of school. I hear lots of bad things both from friends and the news and you know what? I don't believe you have to experience something to know whether it is right or wrong. When the time comes and you have Christ in your heart you will know what is right and wrong and how to handle it. Of course that is my thoughts. Also, unlike most homeschooled kids I did online school, which is actually becoming quiet popular. So I had real teachers, real tests, and I went to a school to do my provincials and I had a grad ceremony and have my grade 12 diploma just as if I had gone to a real school. And guess what? At the same time I was able to spend more time with my family and, if I was ahead in my studies (yes I had due dates as well) then I could take the day off. Oh and I never 'went to school' in my pjs and I worked on my classes from 9am until 3pm with a lunch break and a walk-the-dog recess. I'm a normal kid.

Adopted. Now this is an interesting topic. I don't often bring up this fact but it has come up more and more lately, mostly because people will ask how old my oldest sister is and when they hear she is 39 and that my youngest sister is 17 they usually get this funny look across their faces. Now one thing that I find both amusing and annoying is when people as "What does it feel like being adopted?" it both makes me want to laugh and glare and humourously answer "How does it feel to not be adopted?" I won't go into details now about my adoption story but I will tell you it is one of the foundations of my faith because I see it as a miracle in my life. My parents treat me and love me the same as one of their own kids and I love them and treat them the same as my own parents. Very rarely have I thought about me being adopted because I feel no different then you would feel living with your natural parents. Sure, unlike my little sister, I have memories of when I was a kid before being adopted (even though I was only 3) but I love my family now and as far as I am concerned they are my only and true parents.

So here I am.... yah, I am different then the average kid, sure I may be a bit weird, yes I can be naive but you know what? I wouldn't change my life for the world (its too messed up anyways :P). I am proud to be who I am and I am ME, not a pastors kid, not adopted, not a homeschooler but ME, those labels are only aspects of my life and not just who I am. Perhaps they have helped make me who I am but they are not me, make sense?

So what stereotypes are you in and how do you handle it?

Family Meeting

Several nights ago was a night of great release and understanding for me. I finally was able to talk to and explain my thoughts and opinions with my parents and they were able to do likewise.

Now I am sure we all have things that we wish to tell or ask our parents but we are too afraid to, afraid of what they might say or afraid of what they might do, that they wouldn't understand or maybe just not care. That's what kept me, and my younger sister, from talking to our parents about certain topics. We would talk to each other about them and we eventually resolved ourselves that our parents wouldn't understand and that maybe we would/could talk to them several years later..like after we moved out. Thankfully that didn't happen as we managed to talk with them long before then.

Because I know you are all dying to hear what it was that we talked about I shall give you a breif summary. For me it was dating and hanging with my guy friends. My parents couldn't see why I still was (seemingly) actively involved with my guy friends still, which included going to Japan next year with my 'brother' as I refer to him (and it wouldn't be just with him but with a group of friends). I was able to explian to my dad who wondered why I wanted to hang out with my guy friends right after I got home with my new boyfriend that I wanted Jesse to meet all my guy friends so he would know who I was hanging out with. I still wanted to hang out with my guy friends but the situations and times I would put myself in with them would change somewhat.....for them explaining this was important because times have changed since they were dating and at first they couldn't understand why I would find it important to hang out with my guy friends still. For example when I started dating and throughout my relationship my Brother continually checks up on me...if I never hung out with him one-on-one (with my boyfriends knowledge of course) then he would never have the opportunity to ask me about stuff like that.

The other major topic included individuality, as in music (my sisters topic) and clothing (mine). My clothing style has strayed a little from what my parents believed was right, and while in some ways I am not totally proud of it, in some ways I needed that. Once again we were able to explain how times have changed a bit and how different people view things differently and that does not mean that one person is wrong or less godly then the other one. For example my mom firmly believes that skinny jeans are a sin, that it is flaunting your body in a way you shouldn't. And for her, maybe that is the truth. But from living on campus I know people, strong godly Christians, who wear skinny jeans as if they were normal jeans and they do not see that as wrong. I was finally able to come to an agreement with my parents, they will not bug me so much about my clothes, I am 19 and can make my own choices. Instead of telling me that they don't like my clothes they will simply ask if I am comfortable wearing something that.....lowcut, tight, loose, etc. For me this was a wonderful thing, to finally feel that I could make a choice without my parents judging me (which they never did, but simply were trying to protect me).

That night we also talked about schooling, drinking and tatoos, not as a major topics but good ones none-the-less. My mom and I were finally able to figure each other out, with help from my sister....my mom found out that I often take advice personally while I found out that just because my mom was giving me advice did not always mean that she saw me doing something wrong or that I needed to be corrected but because she loved me and wanted me to know this so that when the time came I would have that knowledge under my belt.

I love my parents dearly. They have done their best to raise me as God's child and have given me everything I could ever need. We don't always see eye-to eye and I am sure there will be more disputes among us, we are humans after all, but it is comforting to know that my parents love me and care for me and that they do want to understand me.

So how is your relationship with your parents doing?

Real Food

Aaaahh......its been 5 days since my wisdom teeth have been pulled out, my painkillers are practically gone, the stitches are starting to fall out and everything is starting to heal....its good to be able to eat again. Not that I objected to only eating icecream, pudding (I have discovered that my favorite is banana!) and jello but after several days these special treats aren't so special and you start craving something with more substance.

Which makes me think about reading. I love reading, historical fiction and non-freaking mysteries are my favorites...and the typical girlie girl comes out and adds fairy tales to that list as well. Yet while fiction is great to read sometimes I find that I get tired of it and I crave something with more substance. I am starting to read a daily devotional book that I received at my graduation ceremony last year. I haven't gotten into the habit of reading it daily yet but I am working on it. Just like everyday we need to eat something that will benefit us and our bodies so we should be reading something that will benefit our minds and our souls too.

And in saying that I think I will go do my devotions before I read another chapter in the mystery book I am currently reading......

So what have you been reading lately?

Summer Plans

Well I had several plans for my summer. My plan A was to apply for jobs around spring break and hopefully have a part-time job that could become a full-time job during the summer, or maybe take a second part-time job if that didn't work out. I would live with several awesome girls from res and live right across from Walmart (yah!). Then I found out that I had to have my wisdom teeth out sometime in the early summer, my parents didn't want me to get a job during the school year (I needed to focus more on my studies, and they definitely right in this area) and they wanted me to come home for the summer.

Okay, so that plan didn't turn out. So I cam home and waited a couple weeks for my appointment with the dentist, I applied for about 20 jobs. Because it suddenly appeared as an option and my parents felt a bit better about it, I applied for a couple jobs on the Island where we used to live. One was at Butchart Gardens where one of my good friends worked, we thought that I might be able to live with her, but her family was downsizing their house and their grandparents were moving in so that was out of the question.

Next option: About 4 years ago my mom, sister and I all got jobs at this gorgeous organic blueberry farm. My mom suggest that I try to apply there again. Some reason feeling that this is what I needed to do I promptly googled the farm and emailed them. I got a quick response saying that they did have job openings. I then sent several questions about the job, pay and perhaps a place to stay and then.....heard nothing. Plan C was dead.

Plan D? My boyfriend was working in Edmonton at a job that was a little rough but it paid really well and they were looking for more workers and since his dad was connected with the company chances of me getting a job would be high. Now being a young girl in a city my parents thought it would be wise to either go with my sister or a friend. My friend just so happened was able to get a job volunteering with some vets and since it was something that would help her work towards her career I was happy for her and it was okay that she decided to not go. My sister pretty much was already accepted to be a paid worker at a summer camp, which she would enjoy much more then being stuck in Edmonton working. So part 3 of plan D? Find a place for me to stay on my own....only not on my own really because it just isn't that sensible for a young girl/women to be so close to her boyfriend of only a couple short months....not to mention having my own place...but then I don't want to live too far away from him in case someone follows me home or I have creepy landlords :P.....compromise? none to be found, at least not smart or reasonable ones!

Here I thought that my summer was not going to work out and then guess what! Plan C suddenly popped into the picture again! I was able to secure the job, and a place to stay with my old neighbors for really cheap! It was all looking super good until a couple hours ago. The job won't start for 2 months. And since it is only about a 7 week job (that still pays well) it throws a money wrench into the only part of the summer that I had really planned out and was hoping to fulfill. I was going to work until mid-August, go to E-town for a couple days (West Ed Mall here I come!), volunteer at a camp for a week with my boyfriend and leave for Calgary a week and a half early to get settled into the big city groove and hang with friends. So if I was to continue on with the plan I would only get about 4 weeks of work in and that isn't nearly enough to make it worth while.

Am I disappointed? Yes. Frustrated? Definitely was on Saturday. Now? Right now I am just wondering if God had been doing this all to me to try to teach me a lesson.....one that I had thought I learned a while back but I obviously haven't since I just realized it. I need to remember that yes, I can make plans but in the end I have to be willing to let those plans be led by God. Maybe if I had asked for God's advice and guidance before I wouldn't be so frustrated with how my summer has been going so far and maybe things would be making a lot more sense.

I know that my plans are not always God's plans and sometimes I hate that but my plans have been failing pretty much since plan A. Some may say that its because my parents have said this, that, and the other thing and because I am now a legal adult in both BC and Alberta I can make my own choices. But I greatly value my parents opinions, and as much as I sometimes don't like to admit it, they make great points and are often right, not to mention I wholeheartedly believe in honouring my parents and that God often speaks to us through other people in our lives. So personally that's not the issue here.

So God, if your reading this...I have learned my lesson. I am gonna stop trying to be a control freak with my summer, here I am now, taking a deep breathe and shakily opening my heart, mind and soul for your guidance.

Random....

I must say that I love doing fun quizzes and surveys....Yes I am wierd. But then it is a fun way to find out more about yourself and let others know more about you are. I stole this from a friends blog (hope you don't mind Katelyn!) and here is me!

Will you be single over summer?
Nope! Doing the long distance summer thing....its been two weeks and already I miss my boy so much. Yes i am pathetic, I know it and am not afraid to admit is

Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
Well the last person I kissed was my mother so the answer to that would have to be no.

Is there someone you want to fight?
Andrew Love! We still need our fight to the death.....

Where do you wanna live when you grow up?
Athens....I love that city....or maybe some place close to home...Or Calgary....Or an acreage on Vancouver Island...Or Vancouver sounds cool.......

Where is the person who has your heart at the moment?
In Edmonton....way too far away for my liking

Would you date someone three years older than you?
Yes I would....although I have never dated anyone older then me (in my defense I have only ever dated twice and they have been less then a year younger then me!)

Would you get married if you could right now?
Yes I would :D

Do you consider yourself spoiled?
Spoiled but not spoiled rotten as I like to say!

Would you rather have your parents catch you having sex or smoking weed?
as a pastors daughter I would have to say neither.....both sound like bad ideas to be caught doing...or doing in general

Who were you last on the phone with?
Tara! My big sis!

Would you ever take someone back after they cheated on you?
Probably not.....only if I knew I could trust them and that they had changed and learned a lesson

Do you miss your past?
Some of it....We all have mistakes that we have made that we'd rather not relive but then I have had many great experiences and memories that I have loved and miss....it happens when you move an average of every 3 years

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
My mom? Yup! I love my mommy!

Ever been kissed by someone whose name starts with an R?
Hmmm.....Nope

Could you see yourself dropping out of High School?
Thankfully I have finished highschool and didn't drop out....and I don't think I could....

Would you ever get a tattoo?
Maybe...but it would have to have a really special meaning to it...and most likely would not be very big or noticeable...and I might pass out while getting it.....

Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?
Most definitely

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
I have never smoked so I would say I could

Who was the first person you talked to today?
Jesse! if online counts....otherwise it was my mother...Had a wonderful talk with my mom all morning

How was your weekend?
Okay....could have been better but what can you say after getting wisdom teeth out, taking pain killers, and trying to sort out jobs and living conditions as well as hang time with family, friends as well as that special someone?

What did you do yesterday?
Chilled...

Are you a mean person?
I would say no....I hope you think so....

According to your ex, are you a bitch?
I would say no

Do you ever get "good morning" texts from anyone?
Yes..I get "good morning beautiful" texts almost every morning.....

Where is your cell phone?
beside my bed which I am on

Who last texted you?
Jesse Schmidt

Have you done any thing embarrassing lately?
Not that I am aware of...

Are you a bad influence?
I think I am a good influence...unless my crazy and quirky ways around my friends can be considered to be a bad influence.... :D

Has anyone ever called you baby?
I don't think so....

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
Hmmmm....I think Jesse

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow?
Only long enough to swallow a painkiller pill for my missing wisdom teeth

What is something you disliked about your day?
The fact that I have no idea when my job will start and if I will be seeing much of my family, friends or boyfriend this summer

Did you date anyone last summer?
Not really..I started dating about 2 weeks before summer was over.

Do you hate being alone?
Sometimes...I love being with people that I love but sometimes I just need some private time

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
same thing as now...blogging in bed

Excited for anything?
My sister coming home from a weekend away, finding out when I start my job and sorting out holidays and days off.

Have you ever dated the same person twice?
Nope...Considering there has only ever been 2 guys over about 8 months

Who was the last person to make you laugh?
My sister....she can make me laugh even through texts....

Did anyone yell at you out of a window today?
Nope

Did you have a good day yesterday?
Nope, frustrating day with painkillers, emotions, and jobs and housing, or lack of it

Did you fall asleep in someones arms last night?
Nope

Whats the next big life decision you will have to make?

Where to work and live for the summer

Do you want to please everyone?
Often...but I am getting better at that

How many people have you hugged in the past week?
about 4 differnt people...home is so much more quiet then at school....

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
Most likely.....sadly

Do you laugh a lot?
I'd say so!

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Yes

What are you craving at the moment?
Shrimp, Pad Thia, mashed turnip with butter, pepper and salt, ham....real food. Icecream and pudding are fun but after a few days you start to miss real food

Are you in a good mood right now?
Yes

Who can always cheer you up?
My little sis or Boyfriend

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?
Yes

Who was the last person you sat on the couch with?
hmmm....my best friend I think

What is bothering you right now?
Not knowing the detail of my summer..and its already several weeks into it!!

Did you take a nap today?
kinda....didn't sleep but chilled

Do you think you would be able to handle being in the military?
I think so!! :D

Would you rather have the ability to fly or the ability to read minds?
Read minds...but then be able to turn it off it I wanted to...otherwise fly

Last place you held someone’s hand?
Greyhound Bus stop

Would you date someone who lived in another province?
I am

Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?
If you mean a friend then Yes, if you mean love then No. Not all people were meant to Marry (such as Paul in the Bible)