Laughter

Since I can't really focus on my New Testament paper for school I thought that I would write a quick blog post.

I have always enjoyed laughing, it seems to make you feel good and happy no matter how you are feeling beforehand. And then there are those people who can make you laugh no matter when or what is going on, which can be annoying if you want to feel angry or sad :P. So far in my life I have only come across two people who can always make me laugh and that is my little sister and my boyfriend.

Also lately it has come to my attention that I am ticklish. Now when I was a young girl i used to be extremely ticklish but as i entered my early teens i trained myself not to be ticklish, to the disappointment of a few. But for some reason I have been becoming increasingly ticklish...why? I do not know. There are times when I can keep my self from laughing and keep my cool but other times I start to head into a shrieking/gasping laugh as I struggle for air.

So who makes you laugh? Are you ticklish?

Caring

I am considered, or at least I consider myself to be a very caring person. I find that (besides spending time with my boyfriend) I get the most happiness out of serving and caring for others. March 14th was pi day and for it two guys and I made 4 pies. Bringing them to the 3rd floor prayer room in res we share them among our friends. I snatched up the job of cutting and dishing out the pie and whipped cream and I think that I enjoyed doing that even more then actually eating the pies.

Although one thing that I have found out about caring is that it sometimes can hurt. Sometimes people don't want you to care for them, or at least not in the way that you care. For example I have recently discovered that one of the ways that I care for people is by worrying about them. And maybe that sounds weird but for me it is a reality, if I care about you, I will worry about you. Yet some people don't like it when I worry about them. For a while I felt really hurt when people didn't like me worrying about them and I didn't know why until I found out that when people rejected my worrying I felt that they were rejecting my love, but this isn't true, at least not always. There are different ways to show I care and I think that I need to focus on those ways instead of worrying about people, it will probably make their lives a bit easier and it will definitely make mine easier.

So how do you show you care?

Fear

One of my favorite 'get-to-know-you' games that I love to play with new friends is a question game. One person asks a random question and both (or everyone in the group) has to answer the question, including the person who asked the questions. The questions range from being very random and funny to very serious. One question that generally always comes up and for me I have been asked several time over the last several months is "What are you afraid of". I never really know what to say about this but for some reason I have been thinking about this alot lately, what am I afraid of.

I am afraid of falling. I love heights and being high up but if I do not feel secure I do not like it. I hate the sensation of falling. For this reason I am not a huge fan of floors that move when you walk on them or that you can see through or stairs with the gaps between them (unless they are really secure like the ones here at my school) because for some reason I get the feeling that at any moment they might break and I might fall.

I am afraid of pain. I do not like to hurt, either physically or emotionally. My whole family will confirm when I say that I have or at least had a low pain tolerance. I remember as a kid getting a paper cut and almost passing out because it hurt a bit, also when I got my ears pierced I almost passed out....at age 15. Thankfully I am getting better at handling pain but I still don't like it.

I am afraid of not being loved, of being alone. This can be a serious downfall for me if I am not careful because, from my past, I know that I would be willing to change myself to be more loved. I am a very affectionate person so it hurts when I know people don't like me. This is something that I am constantly working on and I am getting better on thanks to the knowledge that God will always love me, but I am still afraid of the time when those I love may not love me back, which may be silly because I know that those who truely do love me would never do that, but it still is a fear for I know that if those I love ever no longer love me back, how will I ever be able to believe in love again?

I am afraid of broken promises. I am afraid that when people promise me something, that for some reason something will happen that they will not be able to fulfill their promises, that their promises will be broken. Little promises I am not that concerned about being broken, they still are important but it is the big ones that I am afraid of falling through the cracks. Similarly with the previous paragraph I feel that if these promises that are so important to me are broken, how will I ever be able to believe in them, both the promises and people who make them again?

Besides that I am not scared of things like others. Having a sister who loved the outdoors and creepy crawlies and lived in the country for several years, bugs and snakes and other things don't scare me. I am not afraid of animals or the dark, I don't get claustrophobic, I don't like being in small areas with a bunch of people but I can live with it. I am more afraid of the things that I can't see, I am afraid of the emotional aspect of life. Throughout my life I have been getting better at conquering these fears, but some of them I feel might always be there.

I must forever pray for God to give me strength and power over these fears so that I might not let these fears have power over me.

So what are you afraid of?

Happiness

What is happiness? True happiness? And how can you tell if you are truly happy?

When I was in my early or midteens I went through a period in my life where I tried to make it seem like I was always happy. I would refrain from showing any true emotion other then happiness. I could be angry or sad but you wouldn't be able to tell. I could be having the worst day of my life but if you were to ask me how I was doing I would have just smiled and say that I was doing great and then turn the topic to you and how you were doing and what was new with you. I was slowly adding layers onto my mask and eventually there were so many layers that were so thick that I no longer really knew what true happiness was.

During this time God really made himself known to me. It has been a slow process and even now I will struggle with being open with my emotions. I still occasionally stuggle with being more open with my emotions but it is something that I am working on and that God is helping me with and working on me through others who ask me how I am doing and who truely seem to care about me and how I feel, whether it is good or bad.

Lately I have been feeling really happy and this has caused me to wonder what is happiness? And what makes me happy? I think for me happiness comes from not being stressed, from feeling at peace with myself, with the people around me, and with God.

I find that when I am really happy, I get the giggles easily, I have a ton of energy, I am definately ticklish and I feel like I am on top of the world not matter what happens. And I have been feeling alot of this lately.

So what makes you feel happy and how do you show it?