Future

As the new year approaches and I reach another milestone in my still short life a lot of things are starting to come into question, especially as the matter of my future comes into light. Now personally I would be totally happy with getting married, settling down, raising a family and being a stay at home mom but I am too practical and know that it could be a while. It's not like I can go to a store and pick out a life plan and a husband and then commence the rest of my life...although the idea sounds kinda nice............

I've been thinking a lot about where I want to go, what I want to do, yet always trying to be aware of where God might be calling me and where His will for me lies but often it is so hard to hear his voice or to try to pick out which is His voice and which is just the world and which is just you and what you want.

And then of course there is family and friends who have there own ideas of what you should do or who are hoping that you'll go somewhere or become something or are at least close to them.

Sometimes - like to day I wonder 'What is the meaning of life?' I know ultimately it is to praise God but besides that life basically seems to be about trying to earn money so we can provide for ourselves and be comfortable before we die and of course to try to achieve true happiness though many different things (family, job, money, friends, 'religion' etc.) and sometimes we can, especially those of us who have a strong faith but is that all life is about? It just seems to be a big circle - yes I am going to say it - a circle of life, of people living and dying and striving to be better or to get something better and to find their purpose in life.


Sometimes thinking like this makes me want to cry...sometimes I feel frustrated...occasionally I have had the feeling of wanting to take something breakable and smash it or see if I squeezed it hard enough it would break in my hands I did that with a plastic communion cup once).....and sometimes I just start feeling like just another ant in an ant hill following a line and freaking out when the path is broken, yet I eventually find a way around it....I just need to find my way around this one.

So here I am on Boxing day, contemplating, thinking, waiting, wondering.....and hoping my head won't explode with all of it.

So what have you been pondering lately?